Conflicts are by no means an exception in nursery everyday life – quite the opposite. Children are in an intense phase of learning and development, discovering their own personalities and exploring interactions with peers and adults. Different interests, temperaments, and needs collide, leading to conflicts. In this third part of our blog series, we focus on the most common conflict topics and explain why they arise.
1. Conflicts Over Possessions and Resources
Sharing Toys and Materials
A classic: Two children want to play with the same toy. The child currently playing with it doesn’t want to give it up, and the other child becomes upset because they feel left out.
Why do they arise?
- Children have a strong sense of ownership, especially when they are learning that things “belong to them.”
- Empathy and awareness of others’ feelings develop gradually.
Limited Resources
Whether it’s the only shovel in the sandbox or the last piece of fruit at the table, resources are often limited.
What do children learn from this?
- Negotiating and compromising: “Can I play with it next?”
- Finding alternatives: “Is there another shovel or toy?”
2. Conflicts in Following Rules
Structure and Routine
Nursery routines involve fixed schedules, such as meal times, nap times, and group cleanup activities. Some children prefer to keep playing instead of sitting at the table or going to the nap room.
Why are rules important?
- They provide security and orientation.
- They facilitate living together in a group.
Testing Boundaries
Children in nursery begin actively testing boundaries. What happens if they don’t follow a rule or do something forbidden?
What do children learn from this?
- Rules are part of social interactions.
- There are consequences (e.g., a timeout from play, reiterating the rule).
3. Emotional Conflicts
Tantrums and Defiance Phases
Particularly between ages one and three, defiant reactions occur more frequently. Children experience strong emotions but are not yet able to express or regulate them adequately.
Why so intense?
- Frustration tolerance and impulse control are still developing.
- Language skills are often insufficient to clearly communicate displeasure or needs.
Jealousy
In a group, a child may feel they receive less attention from a caregiver than another child.
What do children learn from this?
- They practice recognizing and naming feelings like envy and jealousy.
- They realize that all children receive space and attention, even if the distribution often appears different.
4. Conflicts Due to Misunderstandings
Language Barriers
In nurseries where children with different first languages come together, conflicts can arise because they don’t (or can’t fully) understand each other.
Possible outcomes:
- Frustration when the other child seemingly doesn’t “react.”
- Withdrawal or anger due to feeling misunderstood.
Unclear Communication
Even when children speak the same language, they often lack the right words to clearly express their wishes or problems.
What can help?
- Targeted language support, e.g., through pictures, gestures, rhymes, and songs.
- Patient questioning and repeated explanations by caregivers.
5. Conflicts Due to Different Temperaments
Impulsive vs. Reserved Children
A group often includes very different characters. Some children play spontaneously and energetically, while others are quiet and cautious.
Where does it get tricky?
- The energetic child may unintentionally overstep boundaries (e.g., physical bumping).
- The reserved child quickly feels overwhelmed or pressured.
Sensitivity and Emotions
Highly sensitive children may react more quickly to feeling hurt, while others remain unbothered.
Learning goal:
- Building understanding for one’s own and others’ temperaments.
- Respecting each other, even when different.
Conclusion
Nursery everyday life showcases a colorful variety of conflict situations: from disputes over toys to tantrums to misunderstandings due to a lack of language skills. All these conflicts are part of the developmental process and help children acquire important social and emotional skills. As caregivers and parents, it is our responsibility to provide children with the space and support to deal constructively with conflicts.
In the next article, we will explore strategies and methods to positively accompany and resolve these conflicts in everyday life. We will provide concrete tips and recommendations to make handling conflicts in nurseries increasingly an opportunity rather than a challenge.
