Conflicts among children are part of everyday life in daycare. But how do educators handle them professionally? A reflective attitude and sensitive approach are crucial to ensure that conflicts can be managed constructively. In this ninth part of our blog series, we examine how educators themselves can influence conflict situations and how they can use self-reflection and targeted methods to keep the atmosphere respectful and peaceful within the group.
1. The Educator as a Role Model
- Behavior is observed: Children learn by example. If an educator responds loudly or impatiently in moments of disagreement, children may unconsciously adopt this pattern.
- Constructive handling of personal emotions: Those who communicate their emotions clearly while remaining calm and respectful (for example, “I’m upset because…”) show children how conflicts can be discussed on an equal footing.
- Mindful tone of voice and body language: Voice and posture strongly influence whether children feel safe and understood. Getting on their eye level and adopting an approachable demeanor fosters trust.
2. Self-Reflection as the Key
- Regular reflection: Questioning oneself ("Why did the child’s behavior annoy me so much today?") helps to identify inner triggers and remain professional.
- Practical Tip: Write down briefly, either right after the incident or in the evening, which situations were especially challenging for you. That way, you can recognize patterns and respond to them more effectively.
- Know your personal limits: Every educator has their own experiences and sensitivities. Understanding at which points you are particularly vulnerable helps reduce the risk of overreaction.
- Practical Tip: At the start of your workday, take a quiet moment to prepare for potential stressful situations. Breathe consciously and say a supportive statement aloud (for example, “I will stay patient and open”).
- Idea for everyday life: Schedule regular breaks in your personal life as well, to recharge your energy and maintain clarity.
- Feedback and team discussion: Peer consultation or supervision are valuable tools for developing new strategies together.
- Practical Tip: Agree on regular short meetings (for example, weekly reflection sessions) within your team, during which you can openly discuss difficult moments. Share successful strategies and learn from each other.
- Idea for everyday life: Use a shared “ideas notebook” in the staff room to record tips and experiences. It will grow into a practical reference for tricky situations.
3. Striking a Balance Between Closeness and Distance
- Being a trusted caregiver: A close, warm-hearted bond with children fosters safety and trust.
- Professional framework: Clear rules and routines create predictability and prevent power struggles.
- Maintaining distance: Stepping back mentally for a moment (e.g., taking a deep breath, looking at the bigger picture) helps you stay calm and avoid getting lost in the conflict.
- Ideas for everyday practice:
- Establish fixed routines that give children your active closeness and attention (for example, welcome songs, short discussion rounds). At the same time, you create a professional framework that allows a well-balanced alternation between closeness and free space.
- Observe how children respond to physical contact and adjust your closeness individually. Some children need more physical closeness, others less.
- Tips for implementation:
- Talk with your team about possible “closeness-and-distance strategies.” When is it useful to take a short step back to reassess the situation?
- Practice deliberately taking a deep breath in stressful moments before taking action. This helps you balance a professional approach with empathetic support.
4. Conflict Mediation and De-escalation
- Situation analysis: Who is involved and what need is behind it?
- Keeping calm: A high stress level quickly transfers to children. Sometimes taking a moment away—physically as well—can help you maintain a clear head.
- Involving the children: Instead of immediately providing your own solutions, ask the children for their ideas (“What could help you make up again?”). This way, they experience a sense of self-efficacy.
- Agreeing on compromises or consequences: If a child consistently responds aggressively, a short break or a calming activity may be helpful. It is important for the child to feel accompanied and supported during this time.
5. Personal Attitude and Team Culture
- A unified team approach: Clear, shared values for handling conflicts offer children orientation. This reduces confusion and uncertainty.
- Practical Implementation:
- Work together as a team to develop specific principles and attitudes everyone knows and supports.
- Plan regular team meetings or workshops where you discuss real-life cases and share proven strategies.
- Create a guide for conflict situations so that all educators in the facility respond consistently and confidently.
- Conduct joint training sessions on de-escalation strategies that emphasize practical exercises (for example, role-playing typical scenarios).
- Respect and appreciation within the team: Children notice how educators interact with each other. A respectful team culture also shapes how children learn to deal with conflict.
- Advanced training and professional reading: “Conflicts and de-escalation” is a complex topic. Regularly refreshing methods and insights fosters the quality of educational practice.
6. An Open Ear for Parents
- Transparent communication: Parents encounter similar conflicts at home. Sharing strategies openly builds trust and ensures continuity.
- Parent evenings and information sessions: Offer targeted discussions where you and the parents explore typical conflict situations. Present different solutions and gather ideas from family life. Everyone benefits from this joint effort and creates consistent approaches that reassure the children.
- Practical tips: Show parents simple methods such as verbalizing emotions (“You are angry because…”) or negotiating compromises together. Through concrete examples and small exercises, parents can more easily integrate these strategies into their daily routine.
- Offering support: Tips for a child-friendly way of dealing with conflicts help parents apply the same values at home. At the same time, educators learn from parents’ experiences.
- No blame game: Conflicts are part of development. Instead of looking for who’s at fault, focus on constructive solutions.
Conclusion
The educator’s role in conflict situations is multifaceted: role model, mediator, companion, and safety anchor. A reflective attitude, professional know-how, and empathetic guidance significantly shape the conflict climate. Regular self-reflection and open dialogue with colleagues sharpen the focus on what really matters: supporting children in their development, offering them security and guidance, and gradually guiding them toward constructive interaction.
In the next article, we’ll take a closer look at collaborating with parents: How can consistent approaches be achieved so that children receive the same support from both sides and find a stable, dependable environment?
