Conflicts with children are a normal part of everyday life in daycare. What matters is how we, as adults and professionals, respond to them. With the right strategies, conflicts can not only be defused but also used as valuable learning opportunities. This article presents proven methods for handling conflicts positively and constructively.
1. Active Listening and Showing Understanding
Why is it important? Children often calm down faster when they feel heard and understood. They are then more willing to seek a joint solution.
How does it work?
- Physical attention: Get on their level, look at the child, and nod affirmatively.
- Reflecting emotions: Verbalize what you observe (“I see you’re angry because …”).
- Ask questions and summarize: Clarify misunderstandings and show that their concerns are taken seriously.
2. I-Statements Instead of You-Statements
What are I-statements? Instead of saying to the child, “You always …” or “You must …,” describe how you feel and what you need: “I feel sad when …”.
Why are they helpful?
- They reduce feelings of attack or blame.
- They highlight the impact of behavior without personally attacking the child.
An example:
- You-statement: “You’re so mean; you’re always fighting!”
- I-statement: “I feel helpless and sad when you fight because I want us all to have fun.”
3. A Selection of De-escalation Techniques
- Take a break and create distance: A short “change of scenery” helps children calm down before discussing the issue.
- Use a calm voice and clear communication: Speak slowly and softly to defuse tension.
- Offer alternatives: Instead of “No” or “Stop that,” make suggestions: “How about playing with the red car while Lisa uses the blue one?”
4. Willingness to Compromise and Negotiation
Why compromises? Children learn that it doesn’t always have to be “all or nothing.” A compromise can satisfy both sides.
How do you teach this to children?
- Provide concrete examples: “You can play outside for five more minutes, then we’ll eat together.”
- Find solutions step by step: Gather ideas (“What could we do to make everyone happy?”) and decide together.
5. Role-playing and Perspective-taking
What are the benefits?
- Children learn to empathize with others and practice alternative ways of handling situations.
- Reenacting a conflict with puppets or stuffed animals provides a safe space to explore different solutions.
An example: “You’re the child who really wants the digger, and I’ll play your friend who’s currently using it. How can we resolve this?”
6. Setting Boundaries and Showing Consequences
Clear and reliable rules Children need guidance. Knowing what is allowed and what is not makes things easier.
Natural consequences
- If a child throws a puzzle board, they must clean it up later or it will be temporarily removed.
- Important: Consequences should not feel like punishment but rather as logical outcomes of behavior.
7. Strength-based Approach
Reinforce positive behaviors
- Highlight constructive actions: “I love how you offered to share with your friend.”
Celebrate individual successes
- Every step toward conflict resolution, whether it’s holding a negotiation or using I-statements, deserves recognition.
Conclusion
Constructive conflict management in daycare requires empathy, clarity, and a keen sense of children’s needs. Techniques like active listening, I-statements, and de-escalation create an environment where children learn to interact respectfully and find solutions together. Conflicts thus become valuable learning experiences that strengthen children’s social skills.
In the next article, we’ll focus on setting boundaries: Which boundaries should not be crossed, and how can we communicate them in an understanding yet consistent manner?
